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Friday, 22 April 2016

Unwanted Reunion

I felt sick today. Maybe it was due that fact that I had to stop taking my anxiety pills (in preparation for a new medication) or maybe it was because in just a few minutes I had to see my ex mother- in -law. It had before four years since I had last seen her, and it’s been four years since she had seen Master J. That was entirely her choice, but now I had to take my son to see a woman he doesn’t know. I didn’t want to do this. For the six years I was with her son she put me down in every possible way. Every contact with that woman who I will call Mrs D filled me with dread and today I felt it over again.

The last time those Grandparents had something to do with my son was he was two years old. I had been separated from their son for over a year by that time and I invited them over to have birthday cake and spend some time with Master J. I wanted to keep family connections open for my son no matter how much I didn’t want to see them. I wanted to do what was best for him. After the cake and they went on their way I didn’t hear from them for a long while. They knew the door to their grandson was always open as long as I received a call to make sure we were home and we lived only five minutes away. We heard nothing and their son (my ex-husband) was in and out of my son’s life.

Should I have contacted them again regarding my son? I didn’t think it was necessary.  You want to be a part of my son’s life fine but you need to make an effort.  I had to contact them a few times to get their sons ever changing phone number and Master J was never asked about. The conversations were always about her family’s drama. I didn’t want to hear it, I was done. I tried to establish a relationship with one of her daughters for my son’s sake but again it was never about my son from their end.

So a few months ago my son received a card for his sixth birthday and I a letter where she wrote about her family again and supplied a number for her son who isn’t a part of my son life, his decision. I replied that I don’t want anything sent to my address again. I was really mad. My safe place where I don’t have to deal with them my house they now had my address. I let my son have the card and the money gift that came with it. But how I can explain who these people are and why they choose not to see him. I don’t want to confuse my son and I don’t want to disrupt his life negatively.

I received a letter claiming she wanted to do mediation so she could have contact with son. My first thoughts were how dare she after all this time want to just pop in to Master J life. We have moved on. I’m engaged to someone who my son refers to as his father and Master J also now has a little brother who he adores.  Why does she now want to see my son? So I rang her and over the course of a few weeks made a time to see her. I sat down with my son and her and gave her the opportunity to connect with him. What happened? Not a lot. Master J doesn’t know her so he barely spoke to her. He was polite and answered any questions she asked. She showed me pictures of her other grandkids briefly spoke about her family and that was it. I accepted her request for a further meeting because it is about my son and not about me.