Mummy guilt is something I experience most of the time. I can usually add a few more things to list I feel guilty about every couple of days. What I feel most guilty about at the moment stems from last year. The second week of reception Master J had received an award at assembly for settling well into reception. I wasn’t there to see him stand up in front of the school and accept his award. It hurts to think of how proud he would have been and I missed it. I don’t know if he looked around for me but if he did the disappointment he must have felt makes me want to tear up every time I think about it. He again received another award later in the year and yes I missed that one too. I missed these assemblies because I was sick but that doesn’t make me feel better or replace me at these important events in his life.
Then there are smaller things I have done or haven’t done that I feel guilty about. I’ve been sick the last three weeks and in those three weeks I haven’t sat at the dining table with my boys. Instead of reminding one to eat and enjoy some family talk time I have been sitting in the comfort of the living room in recliner watching television and eating my dinner. The nights I have fed Master T early I have fed him in the living room not in the dining room in his high chair. I should take comfort in the fact that he had a healthy filling dinner but I don’t. Have I spent too much time on my phone lately? Yes I’ve done that. Have i spent a lot of time on the floor playing with Master T? No I haven’t done that. Those are two new things I can add to my mummy guilt list.
There are lots of posts out there about not judging other mums and I totally agree with that and the only person I’m judging is me. I have heard somewhere we are our own worst critics. So the big question is does mummy guilt make me a better mother? That’s a hard one to answer. I think in some ways yes and in some ways no. I went to assembly last week with respiratory infection hoping Master J would get an award and I would be there to see him stand up in front on everyone and walk up and receive it with a big smile on his face. He didn’t get an award but I was there and he knew I was there. Mummy guilt forced me to go out in the cold, in the rain while sick just in case I missed another important moment in Master J’s life. Other times mummy guilt just makes me feel worse about me, my decisions and my actions as a mother.
What do you think about mummy guilt and what are things have you done or not done that make you feel guilty? This is a judgement free zone and a place for open discussion.